This time next year

Another extract from some work-in-progress on my new book ‘This is It’

NOTE: After writing this I forgot about it for eleven years, if I hadn’t I would definitely have made that first million.

This Time Next Year

(How I make my first million)

***

Hi! It’s seven minutes past ten in the evening; it’s Monday May 16th 2005. This is the beginning of the story of how I made my first million. As of now, I have no idea how I’m going to do it, but do it I will. This time next year I’ll be a millionaire.

This is no Del Boy fantasy or the ramblings of a hopeless loser. I am an intelligent 53 year old man (according to Mensa); more intelligent than most other 53 year old men, or indeed more intelligent than most other people that exist or have ever existed, (don’t really know about the ones that will exist – probably, but then maybe evolution will kick in and the ones that come after us will be more intelligent.)

I’m using intelligence in the conventional, accepted sense of the word, as defined by most contemporary measures of that quality.

I’m not only intelligent, but also extremely resourceful – and experienced.

If you don’t believe me then read this story – I guarantee that by the end of it, you’ll be amazed at my intelligence and resourcefulness, and you’ll also be amazed at the story itself. It will include very useful insights into the human condition and be particularly illuminating about the period of time that we live in now, i.e. the early twenty-first century.

This is an amazing time anyway; all I really have to do to make this an amazing story is to simply report on what’s going on; what life is really like now and in this place. We (I use the collective pronoun to signify that a majority of human beings in this society share many common experiences, in fact they share a collection of experiences and a view of events that constitute a definable culture – it’s a very complex culture and I don’t think it’s possible to define the whole thing, even in a book of this length, and anyway, you (the reader), might just get bored with the detail, so, I (the writer) have to just make countless assumptions that you will understand what I’m going on about. So forgive me for using ‘we’, I don’t mean to be patronising and make false assumptions, but this is the only way I know how to communicate.) We live in such erudite times: Men in Afghanistan burst / Buddhas with a yell. / Politicians, even decent ones / play with penthouses / overlooking Hyde Park. / Farmers cry / over dead sheep, / and McDonald’s sponsor cancer research. (That’s a little poem what I wrote to illustrate one aspect of the amazingness of the times we (there I go again) live in.

Anyway, back to the point – This time next year I will be a millionaire.

It’s got to be relatively easy; it must just be a matter of 1. Wanting it a lot, and 2. Perseverance. So, instead of wasting my precious time going back and fore to some poxy job every day and earning just enough to keep me fit enough to go back and fore to some poxy job every day, I will use my noodle instead. I will use my noodle to work out how to make my first million and money in general. My rationale is this – there’s a lot of money out there, loads of dosh, millions times millions; that mound of cash is so big that if you could climb to the top of it you’d be looking down at the moon.

It’s now 34 minutes past ten or nearly twenty five to eleven, so I’ve been at this ‘making me a millionaire’ business for less than half an hour and I’ve already made a significant amount of progress – I mean, I’ve already identified at least two qualities that I need in order to become rich. So, let’s continue with the list, albeit acknowledging that the first two items on the list are the absolute core of the whole thing and that no matter how complicated it seems to get those are my two golden qualities, or things, or attributes, or rules or whatever – they are so important that I will restate them, then go on randomly throwing thoughts at the paper about what it takes to become a millionaire:-

• Want it a lot
• Persevere
• Grab opportunities
• Keep healthy
• Stay calm
• Don’t drink too much alcohol
• Don’t take too many drugs
• Eat well
• Nurture your immune system
• Don’t watch too much television or expose yourself to too much of any other kind of second-level culture
• (This is getting harder – think – Yes) – make an effort.
• Continue thinking about and honing this list.

We’ll get back to it.

And now it’s midnight; just went and faffed about for the last hour and a half. Going to bed very soon, just rounding this off for the night. I’ll keep on thinking about how I’m going to make the requisite amount of readies and get back to you – probably tomorrow (or maybe in eleven years time).

Good night.